Finally, last night, came the tears. I think it's the first time I've actually cried about the "could I have failed it any more dramatically?" failed cycle. I guess it was about time. The tears started and they couldn't be stopped. I cried for my overwhelming feelings of uselessness.
I feel like I'm in an emotional prison and the escape key has been snapped in two. I think I'm on the solitary block, and I don't WANT visitors.
I need to snap out of it, I need to man up and accept my life (no point in womaning up, apparently I'm not woman enough for some stuff), but how do I do that?
I have no idea.
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29w1d
8 embies on ice!
It takes three women to raise a baby. One Egg Donor, One Gestational Surrogate and One Intended Mother. Here is our story....
Evan Michael ~ Just a few hours old
Baby Evan!
29w1d
Donor / Surrogacy Timeline
- 08/14/10 ~ Evan is born!!!!!!!
- 08/13/10 ~ Labor starts!
- 07/09/10 ~ Herbs & pumping for adoptive breastfeeding begins
- 06/02/10 ~ 3rd trimester begins
- 04/01/10 ~ It's a boy!
- 03/26/10 ~ protocol for adoptive breastfeeding begins
- 03/01/10 ~ 2nd trimester begins
- 01/12/10 ~ One perfect heartbeat!
- 01/04/10 ~ One gestational sac spotted!
- 01/01/10 ~ Fourth blood test (1,699)
- 12/30/09 ~ Third blood test (885)
- 12/28/09 ~ Second blood test (463)
- 12/24/09 ~ First blood test (94)
- 12/21/09 ~ Jenn is pregnant!
- 12/16/09 ~ ET (Jenn)
- 12/11/09 ~ ER (Donor)
- 11/29/09 ~ Start of stims (Donor)
- 11/25/09 ~ Start of HRT (Jenn)
- 11/18/09 ~ Start of lupron (Jenn)
- 10/27/09 ~ Donor screening
- 10/27/09 ~ Mock cycle ends with biopsy
- 10/13/09 ~ Donor chosen and approved by Dr W
- 10/12/09 ~ Mock cycle begins
- 10/06/09 ~ Reviewing four possible donors
- 10/06/09 ~ Signed consent papers for new IVF cycle
- 10/09 ~ Started to review possible egg donors
- 09/09 ~ An amazing friend offered to be our egg donor, but sadly it wasn't a good fit given our past issues
- 09/09 ~ Decided to move ahead with egg donor cycle
Blog Archive
Contributors
Followers
First attempt with Surrogacy ~ Timeline
- 08/24/09 Beta test ~ negative
- 08/12/09 Embryo transfer to Jenn
- 08/11/09 2 embies normal, 9 embies abnormal
- 08/10/09 11 embies still growing, PGD today
- 08/07/09 Egg retrieval
- 08/05/09 HCG Trigger shot
- 07/26/09 I started stims
- 07/17/09 I started meds
- 07/13/09 Jenn started meds
- 07/09/09 Medication arrived
- 07/07/09 IVF schedule confirmed
- 06/20/09 Contract signed
- 06/07/09 Met with Psychologist for a counselling appointment
- 06/05/09 Met with Attorney to draft contracts
- 06/02/09 Slight hiccup with some lab results, we may have a short delay to fix some issues
- 05/29/09 First appointment for Jenn and I for cycle testing ~ all clear so far!
- 05/20/09 Met with nurse to discuss surrogacy process and sign paperwork
- 05/08/09 Met with Dr Werlin to discuss surrogacy option
- 04/22/09 Chris & I met with Jenn and R to discuss surrogacy
- 04/04/09 Jenn offered to carry a child for us
Our new baby
Jenn's expanding waistline!
8 embies on ice!
3 comments:
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I just saw this--I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but I think we both know that there isn't. Let me know if there is any thing I CAN do. ((HUGS)).
When are you going to call me!? I know it's your own personal mourning, but I would love to talk to you. I love you, Chris and the kids so much! You'll get through this. CALL ME!
I don't know what to say. I wish this wasn't so hard for you. I love you!
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