Last blog update

This is going to be the last entry on this blog. Tomorrow Evan is three months old, and the transition from surrogacy to a family with three little people is complete. Evan is doing wonderfully, growing like crazy and smiling his gorgeous smile!

We meet up with Jenn as often as possible to share the miracle she grew on our behalf. It's wonderful to watch her and her children with Evan and see just how much love they have for him, it truly is a very special relationship.

Between us we managed to provide Evan with breast milk up to the three month point, which I think is pretty amazing. As of tomorrow he will mostly be on formula, but I think he's had a great start!

From this point on any Evan updates will be included on our private family blog. Thanks for following our journey!

Breastfeeding at 6 weeks

So here we are at 6 weeks and little Evan is still being fed just breast milk. I'm surprised we made it this far, there have been many times I've felt it's time to give in and supplement with some formula, but in the nick of time Jenn has whipped us up another huge stash of breast milk and saved the day!!

So as far as breastfeeding goes, I'm still doing it!! It's not as often as I'd like, it's hard to find the time to sit down with him for as long as he needs and commit just to him when there are two other little people looking for attention. I am nursing him at least every morning and every evening and whatever I can in between. I am still pumping as often as I can and keeping up the little supply I have obtained!! I love being able to nurse, even if it's just for when the little man is screaming up a storm and nothing calms him, a little bit of mummy milk brings him back to sanity and usually slumber!!!

I plan to continue to pump as long as I am able if only to maintain a supply for comfort moments alone. I am feeling much more relaxed now though that he will at some point take formula and it won't poison him (as Jenn quite sensibly pointed out to me during one of my moments of madness!!).

Chris and I were very lucky the other night to have my Mum take Evan into her room with her for an all night session!!! We got to sleep through the whole night (other than my getting up to pump) without having to worry about little Evan's needs, it was pure heaven, thanks Mum!!!

Sigh...

Hmmmm...so last night I was at the bookstore in line and this womans says to me, "Oh, when are you due?"!?!? Really? At 5.5 weeks post partum do I really still look so pregnant that people feel they can ask this question? I tried to shrug it off, telling her I had "just" delivered (okay, it was a white lie since it's been over a month!). But she then wanted to know what day I had delivered and how many weeks ago it was! I was so mortified!

I want to start exercising, but I'm feeling very overextended right now; I just have a bunch of responsibilities coming at me at once, and am too exhausted to exercise. Maybe in another week or two.

On a happier note, I am still pumping for the little guy and as far as I know he hasn't needed any formula supplimentation, so yippee for all Kirsten and my hard work! I have no set goal or commitment as to how long I'll pump...we'll just have to wait and see.

Projectile vomit

Evan has just thrown up a whole bottle all over me. It stinks. It's the first time I've seen anything like it. It looked like something from the Exorcist. Now I don't know what to do? Surely he's still hungry, but feeding him anymore at this point just seems like a recipe for disaster? What to do? My baby 411 book is no help on this one.

It was totally gross, yuk.

Dedication

Today is Evan's dedication. It's going to be a special day, giving our miracle child to God. I am excited that Jenn and her family will be there to share it with us.

One month today

Our little man is one month old today. He is changing so much. He is finally taking more note of his surroundings and smiling like there are secret jokes going on! He is growing bigger each day although he is still in newborn clothes and diapers, we haven't graduated to 0-3 months yet!!

I am trying to cherish each moment of these early newborn days, I know they won't last.

I am so excited we have made it to one month on milk alone without having to supplement with formula!! I know those days are now over and we will need to add formula from now on, but thanks to Jenn, the forumla will be secondary to the milk.

Things are a little crazy in our house, but we are slowly learning to muddle through with 3 year old twins and a little man.

Happy one month baby Evan!!

So tired ~ it sneaked up on me!!

For the first time since Evan was born (other than the night he arrived) I've started to feel exhausted. I think I've been pretty lucky to get to nearly a month without the feeling of tiredness setting in! He's such a good boy and sleeps well at night, I'm only up once or twice with him, but add that to also getting up with the twins and it's starting to take it's toll.

I love the advice all the baby books give "nap when the baby naps!", yeah right, try doing that when you have three year old twins!

I wish!!!!!!

Breastfeeding update

My outlook on breastfeeding has had to change. Much as I would love to have accomplished the dream of being able to exclusively breastfeed Evan myself, I always knew that was going to be a hard mountain to climb. Inducing lactation is really more about bonding than feeding and although I knew that I was hoping to be able to go the extra mile, but that hasn't been the case. I visited the breastfeeding clinic this week to measure how much Evan was able to get from me and as I suspected he is only able to obtain an ounce at each feeding which is only about a third of the amount he needs each time. I have decided to move back to pumping full time where I am able to achieve a higher output of breast milk and only breastfeed in the evenings when we have time to dedicate exclusively to bonding and spending time with each other with no distractions.

I am now able to pump approximately 7 ounces per day which is a couple of ounces more than the time he was born, so I am encouraged that the amount is increasing rather than reducing. It's not enough to feed a growing baby but at least I am doing my bit for him even if it's just a drop in the ocean.

Evan is so lucky to have such an amazing surrogate in Jenn, who is kindly taking time out of her busy days to also pump milk for the little man. Between us we are managing to keep him exclusively on breast milk at this point and I am so excited for that.

Thanks Jenn!!

Due date!!!!!!

Today is Evan's due date. We are so lucky to have already had three wonderful weeks getting to know him. I can't imagine our lives without our little man.

Last belly picture

Here is Jenn's last belly picture before giving birth!!

Our boy is growing!

We had a follow up weight check at the doctors today and Evan has gained 7oz in 6 days, he now weighs in at a nice healthy 7lbs 3oz. So far he has survived on my breast milk alone, I must be doing something right!!!

Our birth stories

Jenn;

For me, the birth story of little Evan really starts almost two years ago when I delivered twin babies via ceserean section. Prior to the c-section, I had two vaginal births--my own two children. Once I had the c-section, I knew that if I ever got pregnant again, I faced either a repeat c-section or a trial of labor, where a patient can attempt a vaginal birth after a prior c-section.

During my pregnancy with Evan, Kirsten went to all the appointments, and we spoke with two different doctors about the safest choice for delivering this precious little guy. Our first doctor felt that vbac was only safe when the patient has had at least two years between deliveries. Since I would be delivering Evan about 20 months after I had the c-section with the twins, she felt that I was not a good candidate for vbac. Kirsten and I talked about it, and we decided to get a second opinion. Our next doctor was much more open to vbac, and said that it was a safe option for me.

So here we had two opposing opinions--and ultimately the decision lay with me. I told Kirsten and Chris that I would defer to them--if they really wanted me to have a c-section, I would. But they insisted on defering to me, reasoning that they trusted that I would make whatever decision was safest. I have to say, I spent a lot of time thinking about and researching vbac vs. elective repeat ceserean; I felt a weight on my shoulders to make the right decision. Finally I decided to try a vbac.

On day 1 of my 37th week, Kirsten and I went to a regular ob appointment. The midwife checked me, and I was dialated to 1cm and 50 percent effaced. Knowing women can be dialated to 1cm for weeks, I thought delivery was a ways away still. That night though, I had a long string of contractions--about 11 in the hour before I went to bed. That gave me pause, and I thought that I might go into labor that night. I didn't, but when I woke up that next morning, I had some spotting.

I called Labor and Delivery, and they said the bleeding was from the exam and had nothing to do with labor. They were wrong though, and I had a feeling that they were wrong anyway, so I started counting contractions. I called Kirsten to let her know that I thought it was delivery day. The contractions got stronger and closer together as the day went by, and I called Labor and Delivery again in the afternoon to ask them when I should come in. They told me not to come in until I couldn't bear the pain.

Around 9:30 pm, I told Kirsten that I would probably be going in within the next few hours. She replied that she was going to take a nap then. A few minutes later, I changed my mind! Labor is like that for me; the pain is not bad until in an instant it just hits me. I knew I had to get to the hospital soon. I called her back and they set off for the hospital.

We got there at 10 pm and they checked me in triage. I was 6 cm already! I was glad because I was in a lot of pain and if I was only a 3 or 4 I would have been really disapointed. They asked me about pain medication, and I said I didn't want any. They knew I was a vbac patient, so I had to stay constantly on the monitors and was not allowed to get up for any thing. This is a challenging thing when you don't have any pain medication. I like to stand in labor, but this was not allowed!

At one point, things got a little crazy. I was in triage waiting to be admitted and the baby's heart rate was going down after each contraction. Since this is an early sign of possible uterine rupture (the main risk of vbac), they literally whisked me down the hall to another room to be monitored more closely. I was not allowed to move--I had to stay on my side, I could not get up to pee, the nurses were speaking in urgent voices and I was really confused about what was going on. Kirsten and Chris were still in the lobby because in triage you cannot have more than one visitor, so we planned to get them when I was admitted. Later I realized I was very close to having a c-section. If Baby Evan had not calmed down within a few minutes I would have been whisked to the operating room for a c-section.

Fortunately, he relaxed within a few minutes and Kirsten and Chris came in. A few minutes later, the doctor came in to explain the risks of vbac vs. repeat elective c-section vs. emergency c-section and I had to sign consents just in case. Then, the midwife came in to check me and break my water. She checked me and I was already 7 to 8 cm--it had only been about 30 minutes since I was last checked! She broke my water and said labor would move faster now.

Boy, was she right! She literally stepped out of the room and not two minutes later I felt the urge to push. I said something to Raymond, my husband, how I knew it was crazy but I felt like he was coming already. He called the nurse and when she came in I explained that I thought I had to push and how I knew that was impossible because I was just checked a minute prior and was 7 cm. She checked me and when she was checking me, it hit me dead on--he was coming out right then!

I remember she pressed a button and said I was about to deliver and the midwife came rushing in. They were all screaming at me not to push and I was screaming back that I couldn't help it and that he was coming out! I remember Raymond telling me to breathe, lol, as if breathing was important at that moment. Evan's head was already out by the time the doctor had her gloves on, and I remember saying, "Kirsten, come see, you are missing it!" because I could see them huddled in the corner of the room probably thinking I was crazy! She came to the bed and then there he was--out and on my chest and they were cleaning him off. He was born at 11:26 pm, 1 hour and 30 minutes from the time I arrived at the hospital.

Chris cut the cord, and I remember the nurses saying they would take a picture, but Kirsten was so overwhelmed that she didn't even know how to turn the camera on. I remember when he came out, I said, "That was easy!", lol, it wasn't easy, but I think I was astonished at how fast the last part happened.

They weighed him, and he was 6 pounds 12 ounces, 19 and 3/4 inches long. He wasn't breathing right and the nicu people came in for a bit, but it turned out he was fine.

Giving birth, at least for me, is such an empowering experience. When I was pregnant with the twins (my first surrogacy), I knew that in all liklihood it would be a c-section. What I didn't know was how powerless I would feel during the c-section and after as I recovered. I hated everything about the c-section, except that it was the way the doctors felt was safest for my surro-twins to be born. It was a necessary evil. I endured it, but it made me feel so dissatisfied with the birth experience. Not that my first surrogacy was a bad experience at all--it was perfect in every way. I'm referring only to the birth aspect, not the relationship with the parents or the ongoing contact, etc. All that was and is perfect, really. But the c-section was kind of like the pin that popped my perfect bubble at the end of a perfect journey, if that makes sense. This birth has allowed me to heal a bit. It may not make sense to others, but I was searching for that perfect birth experience, where I felt like I was doing what my body was telling me and allowing the course of nature to take place. I am so thankful Kirsten and Chris were open to a vbac, and that we found a doctor who felt it was a safe option. Evan's birth will always stick out to me because it gave me that satisfying ending.

Kirsten;

It was a routine 37 week doctors’ appointment on Friday August 13 that ultimately turned into the birth of baby Evan! We discovered at the appointment that the fluid around the baby might be low and we were sent to the hospital for monitoring. At the hospital they decided that the fluid was fine but Evan’s heartbeat kept decelerating which caused a worry and found us in labor and delivery for further monitoring. After a morning being hooked up to various machines we were finally sent home after they were happy that Evan was not in distress. An appointment was made for the following Monday for another stress test. Jenn had been pretty sure that we were not going to be sent home from the hospital and instead would be admitted and was pretty sure that Evan would be delivered before we could attend the appointment on Monday morning. It turns out Jenn was correct about not making the Monday appointment!!

After the false alarm of Friday morning, I went home and immediately went into high gear packing a bag for the hospital and organizing as much stuff at home as possible for a few days away. Jenn had told us to expect Evan to be born later that day, or if not Friday, then Saturday for sure! I was not totally convinced since she was only 37 weeks, but of course Jenn is an expert and should always be believed! My Mum was arriving at LAX to stay with us and help out with the twins and new baby and I really hoped she would make it before Evan was born.

Nothing happened on Friday, all was quiet until Saturday morning when Jenn and Raymond contacted us to say it was probably best not to travel to LAX that day since Jenn was having serious contractions. We made sure we had everything ready and carried on as usual on Saturday whilst keeping in close contact with Jenn and the updates on her condition. Jenn phoned labor and delivery a few times to check in and they told her not to come in until she couldn’t talk through her contracts, which I thought was a little crazy since she has a very high tolerance for pain!!! Everything seemed to calm down a little on Saturday afternoon, so I went to pick up my Mum from LAX and thankfully nothing went down while I was driving there or back!

In the evening we had just decided to try and get some rest in case it was some time before we had to leave for the hospital when Raymond called to say it was time and they were heading out!!! We left immediately and arrived at the hospital at about 10pm while Jenn was being assessed in triage. We waited a while and I will admit the waiting made me very edgy, it was hard not knowing what was happening and how Jenn was feeling. It’s very difficult knowing someone you care about is going through pain and knowing you just can’t do anything useful to help.

Raymond came to collect us and we found that Jenn was well into labor and had been moved to labor and delivery. He bought us back and we saw Jenn and I was happy to see how in control and calm she was. From then on things were amazing and unbelievable. We chatted and joked for a while and Jenn was reviewed to see how she was progressing. Things were going great, and Jenn was handling the contractions amazingly. We thought we would be there a long time while Jenn labored, but that was not to be the case! It was a little later than 11pm when they told us they were going to break her water and it immediately kicked off!! Breaking her water bought on a huge contraction which made Jenn’s pain so bad it was hard to sit helplessly and watch her go through it knowing there was nothing we could do to help her. Raymond is an amazing support and talked her though everything so calmly. We were told that it would probably be another couple of hours until the baby was born and we had joked with Jenn that it would be great if she could give birth before midnight because it would make the twins and Evan exactly three and a half years apart in age. Jenn laughed and said it was impossible but apparently that was not the case since almost immediately her water broke Jenn said baby Evan was being born! All the hospital staff came back in and they tried to tell Jenn to stop pushing so she could be checked as it wasn’t likely she was giving birth yet. As we have come to understand Jenn knows exactly what she is talking about and began to get a little disturbed that no one seemed to be taking her seriously when she announced she had to push, she had no choice and baby Evan was on his way into the world RIGHT NOW!!

It all happened so fast that we didn’t even have the time to get over to the bed from the side of the room before Evan was placed on top of Jenn’s tummy and the delivery staff didn’t even get the time to put gloves on!

Our perfect little boy was born at 11.26pm weighing 6lbs 12.1oz. I was so shocked that as Chris was cutting the umbilical cord I couldn’t even remember how to turn on our camera to capture the event and had to hand it to one of the nursing staff. The birth of Evan is a memory I will treasure forever, to think that we were there from our new sons first moments in the world is beyond something I have ever been able to imagine.

The first few moments it looked as if he was doing well, but then it seemed he was struggling to breath and the NICU team had to be called to review him. He had fluid in his lungs which probably resulted from such a quick entry into the world, but thankfully he was given a clean bill of health once he had received some oxygen.

We all got to stay together undisturbed for the first hour after Evans birth and I managed to breastfeed for the first time, it worked and I was shocked! I can’t even begin to describe how amazing it was sharing that first hour with Chris, Jenn, Raymond and baby Evan, everything we’ve dreamed about and all Jenn’s nurturing had resulted in our miracle.

We were fortunate to be able to move together to a double room so we could all hang out together. We spend the night answering questions, being checked and checked again! It made for a busy night with little sleep, but having baby Evan sleeping by our side was a wonderful experience. The next day Jenn’s children came to visit and it was so lovely to see how happy they were to see Evan. Since Jenn was doing so well the hospital agreed to release us the next day, less than twenty four hours after she gave birth and we went home to start our lives as a family of five.

Everything turned out so perfectly, Jenn had the VBAC that we all wanted for her and everything went as planned if just a little faster than expected! Sarah and Jacob are totally in love with their little brother and can’t get enough of him. Two weeks on I am still a little in denial that I am a new Mum and not a full time babysitter, but I couldn’t love him any more than I do and I know in time I will come to realize that no one can come and take him from us and he is here for the long haul. I can’t wait to watch him grow and see the person he becomes.

I am in awe of our little man and every day I remember exactly why we were so lucky to have him in our lives. Without the giving heart of Jenn and her family we would never know the joy of Evan and for that we will always have an extra special place for Jenn, Raymond and their family in our hearts and lives.

Nocturnal activities

Molly the cat. She's the only one in the house that gets to sleep through the night these days. When I wake to feed baby Evan the twins wake up and complain about something, Chris is on duty to calm that storm while I feed the little man. Now here I am, whilst everyone else is happy and back to the land of nod, pumping to keep up my milk supply.

Oh, the night time joys of family life!! I wouldn't swap it for anything else!!

I'm Still Here!

I used to follow this other blog a while back where the mom and the surrogate blogged together like K and I do here. Then the surrogate had the baby and it was like she dropped off the face of the earth--and never blogged again, though the mom blogged all the time. I always wondered what happened to her, if she was happy and all that. So I'm just dropping in to say hi, and let you all know I am still here and I'm okay! ;) Course, my posts will probably disappear pretty quickly now that the journey is finished, but for now I'm here! I have my side of the birth story all typed out; I figured K and I would post it around the same time so people could see the different perspectives.

An excellent follow up!

Today we went back for another doctors appointment and I'm excited to say that Evan is already back to his birth weight!! He has gained 4oz in a week which is above the minimum expected. Usually babies regain their birth weight around 2 weeks and Evan did it in 10 days, I'm so proud!!

I can now stop worrying about whether Evan is getting enough milk, it seems like he will certainly tell us if he needs more, since he is currently doing wonderfully!

Since I am inducing lactation and it's unknown how much milk I can produce the doctor is going to weigh him again in a week to make sure he is still on target. I think I am going to make another appointment at the breastfeeding clinic so I can see how well I am doing with my milk supply.

Today I am relieved and a little encouraged.

Thank you to everyone who has sent me advice or words of encouragement, I am listening and I'm not ready to give up breastfeeding quite yet.

I gave in

So far I have given in to giving Evan 3 bottles of breast milk. I am worried he is not getting enough otherwise. I am still trying to breastfeed and I am still pumping, but when he just won't latch on I've given him bottles, well Chris has so he doesn't associate me with bottles!

I hope I am doing the right thing, I didn't want to go this route, but I don't want to starve him either. We are going back to the doctors on Wednesday so we will have to see if he is gaining weight or not. I haven't yet had to break down and give him formula, but when my back up supply runs out that might be a decision I can't ignore.

I am a little sad and defeated :(

Nearly a week!

It's been nearly a week since Evan was born and it's certainly been a busy one! Looking after three children including a newborn is a challenge to say the least and that's with both my Mum and Husband thrown into the mix. This week we've been out and about including a trip to both the doctor and the breastfeeding clinic.

Evan did an excellent job on his trip to the doctors only dropping in weight from 6lbs 12oz to 6lbs 8oz. He is a little jaundice but nothing to worry about. In every other way he looks perfect!

At the breastfeeding clinic we learned to supplement his feedings with previously pumped breast milk through a supplementary nursing system. I am finding feeding him quite difficult since it's hard to keep him awake. We are having to wake him regularly to feed him, something he is not a big fan off.

Today we took a trip to JC Penny and had photos with his big brother and big sister. It was hard work, there was much crying, but eventually we got some amazing shots of the little man.

It's been a hard but amazing week. Looking at him it's hard to believe we have been through such difficult times to get to this point. He is so perfect and I feel so blessed each and every time I look at his gorgeous face. Everyone who hears the story of how he came to be part of our family is in awe of the generous heart of Jenn. She will always be a special part of our family for giving us such a wonderful gift.

Either Jenn or I will update for the birth story when we have a moment.

Introducing baby Evan!

Born August 14, 2010 at 11.26pm weighing 6lbs 12oz and 19.75 inches long.

Well done Jenn, you did good!!

The drama of 37 weeks!!

This morning Jenn had her usual weekly appointment at 37 weeks exactly. It was going well until the midwife measured the fluid around the baby and decided it was too low. It was at 7 and it needs to be above 8. We were sent to the hospital for a non stress test where the fluid was determined to be fine (it measured 13 on their ultrasound) however when monitoring Evan's heartbeat they noticed it dipped down from approximately 145 to 120 or 110 every so often. We were told it might mean he is in distress and Jenn and I tried to prepare ourselves for the fact that we might be staying at the hospital for an emergency delivery.

We were sent to labor and delivery for additional testing where everything calmed down a little and the heartbeat stayed more constant. Finally we were allowed to go home with an appointment to come back on Monday for another stress test.

Jenn believes it will all kick off this weekend, but I'm holding judgement on that one. Jenn was 1cm dilated, so who knows what that means? If we make it until Monday I'll be much better organized when we go to the appointment with bag in tow, and an expectation that we won't make it home without baby Evan on the outside!

eta; I was a bit of a basket case at the apt today. We had an u/s which doesn't usually happen and of course I was so overwhelmed at seeing Evan again that I had a little sniffle. As Jenn quite rightly pointed out, I am going to be a total mess when he actually arrives in the world, I admit it I'm emotionally unstable!

Tired!

I'm 36 weeks today, and while Evan has been a joy to carry, I'm tired! I'm definitely ready for this pregnancy to be over and to hand all the work over to Kirsten and her family! ;)

4 weeks and 5 ounces!

It's taken me 4 weeks of pumping to finally hit 5 ounces in one day! I wish it was more, but at least there is an upward trend going on! I can totally see now why they advise you to start pumping at least 6 weeks before the baby is due, it's hard work for little reward!

I read that after pumping for a while all of a sudden a huge amount of milk will come in, but it looks like that's not going to happen for me, I might just be at my maximum.

It's all a little disheartening when I read that women who give birth generally pump between 35 and 120 ounces a day, my 5 sounds pretty pathetic, but there you go, I'm trying and I figure ANYTHING I can give baby Evan is better than nothing. It looks like we'll have no choice but to supplement with formula (ALOT of formula!) but at least it means Chris, my Mum and the little people will all have an opportunity to feed Evan and I think that will be good for everyone.

Nothing of interest

Today we went to Jenn's 36 week appointment. It was pretty quick and easy. Nothing much of anything to report, everything looked good, Evan's heartbeat was very noisy and Jenn is doing well. Our next appointment is next Friday at exactly 37 weeks. Since Jenn has delivered at 37 weeks before from next week we will expect a call at any time that little Evan is ready to make his appearance into the world, how exciting!!

35 weeks!!!!

35 weeks today, 5 weeks (or less) to go....

I am taking guesses on the date Jenn actually gives birth, Chris is sure that August 20th is the day (at exactly 38 weeks), that's 3 weeks from today!

34 week appt.

So Kirsten and I went to another doctor's appt. this morning. It went well! We were able to go over the ultrasound I had a while back. It showed that the baby was head down and in the 50th percentile for weight. She said he is probably close to 5 pounds now. It also showed that I have an anterior placenta. Everything looked fine on that.

I also picked up my vbac consent form, and we got to hear the heartbeat. All in all, a pretty normal appt. We will have one a week from here on out.

Pumping and exercise?

Is there a connection between the increased volume of milk achieved after exercise? For me at least it looks like there is. I have noticed that whenever I pump directly after a long run the volume of milk I achieve goes up significantly. Seems spooky weird to me, why would that be? Whatever the reason, I'm happy, and it makes me want to go do more exercise, can't fault that!

Pumping update

Pumping is going quite well. It's exhausting but hopefully it will be worth it. I get a maximum of three hours sleep at a time but I guess it's good practice for when baby Evan arrives!! I've now been pumping for two weeks and I'm getting just over 3 oz a day. It's not enough to feed a baby, but it's a start and if I'm lucky it will increase before Evan makes his arrival.

Nearing the End

I'll be 33 weeks on Friday, and I had my first clue that I'm nearing the end last night--I slept on the couch. For some reason toward the end of my pregnancies I always end up sleeping on the couch. In fact, with my first, my water broke in the middle of the night on the couch! I didn't do it with the twins only because I was on bedrest and wasn't allowed to go downstairs, but would have if I was allowed.

It's been SO hot these last few days (near 100 degrees today) where I live that even having the air on doesn't make any difference. But downstairs it is nice and cool even with the air off. Also sleeping on the couch helps with the inevitable heartburn I get in the 3rd trimester. So last night at about 2 am I had finally had enough of the tossing and turning and came down to the couch to sleep. I plan on doing the same tonight! :)

The hospital tour

Last night we went with Jenn on a tour of the hospital where she will give birth to baby Evan. There was lots of information, but much of it wasn't much use to us since we have already signed up for all our classes and Jenn is not too far away from giving birth! Since Jenn is also well practiced in the art of childbirth much of it we already knew. It was interesting to see the actual rooms where the baby is born, but I have to admit pretty weird and surreal at the same time. I still find it hard to imagine that in a few weeks Jenn will have baby Evan there and we will bring him home!

The most exciting part of the evening was watching Jenn's tummy moving in *waves* when baby Evan was moving during the tour, I think he was getting excited about being on the "out"!

Good or bad?

So, here is my first 24 hour pumping effort (just under 1oz). Doesn't look like much for pumping every 2 to 3 hours through the day and night does it?! I don't think baby Evan would be impressed. I already know this is going to be hard work. I hope things improve, it's early days yet, but being available to pump every 2 to 3 hours is very difficult! After today I can go down to every 3 hours, sounds like a huge improvement, I figure I can do 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 10pm, 1am and 4am. Sounds lovely doesn't it?!!

(The little people have already shown interest and Sarah has pointed out the lack of milk! Thanks for the encouragement little people!)

Taking it to the next level

Today Jenn is 32 weeks. Given that she is likely to give birth before 40 weeks it's time to start the next phase of the adoptive breastfeeding protocol, which is pumping and herb consumption. Given the size of the herbs it seems likely that I can just stop eating and survive on these alone! I have taken my first dose and cannot lie, I did gag. I hope it gets easier, I hate to think of the amount of calories in the orange juice I am going to have to drink to get these horse pills down each day. I am in two minds on the pumping. I'm excited to start, just to see if it works and but I'm not looking forward to being tied to such a heavy schedule especially while looking after the high maintenance little people. For the first couple of days the suggestions is to pump every two hours and after that every three hours, and yes that's all through the night too!!

I might as well get used to the lack of sleep, it seems from here on out between the little people, pumping and baby Evan's arrival, sleeping for more than a few hours at a time will be a thing of the past! I can't wait for my Mum to arrive to help me through this exciting but quite frankly overwhelmingly tough time!!!

Baby Saver....or not?

Yesterday Chris and I went to a baby saver class to learn how to do basic first aid on children (yes, I do realise we should already know this stuff).

During the class we had a doll to practice CPR on. During my turn at CPR my dolls head fell off.

Yes Evan, you should be worried, very worried.

I think I'm nesting?

It's hard to tell really, I'm such a clean freak anyways that I'm not sure if this is going further and "nesting" in preparation for baby Evan? I've started cleaning all the white woodwork around the house, it all has to be done before he arrives. It's something I would do anyway, but I am on a mission to have EVERYTHING in the house perfect before he arrives. I know that once he is here we'll be lucky to have time to think about doing things, much less actually doing them.

I am writing list after list of things I want to get done. I'd probably get things done quicker if I stopped writing lists AND stopped writing about what I'm planning to do on my blog!

The little people are having quiet time right now so it's time to go clean some more skirting boards!

Ultrasound Results

I mentioned before that I had an ultrasound scheduled for this past Saturday to check on little Evan's growth. At my last two appointments, my belly measurements have been behind about 2 weeks. The doctor thought it was due to Evan's position, but sent me for an ultrasound just in case.

Generally speaking, the ultrasound technician won't tell you anything, but I was blessed with a particularly chatty one this time, and she shared plenty of information with me! Evan is measuring pretty much right on schedule (30 weeks, 0 days, and I was 30 weeks 1 day at the time). He is approx. 3 pounds 9 ounces, and is head-down. So things are looking good with him, and the small belly measurements must have been a fluke since the ultrasound is showing that he is growing fine.

On the screen, I could see him opening and closing his mouth and he had both hands in front of his face, rubbing his eyes. I got a few pictures to pass on to Kirsten, but they aren't the best. The technician said they were blurry because he is facing my back, so it's hard to get a good view of him. My husband thinks he looks like he is wearing glasses in one of them, haha!

Baby Evan has hair!!

I forgot to say, we found out during the 4d u/s that Evan already has hair!! How cute!!

4d ultrasound

Today we went for a 4d ultrasound so we could all take a peek at baby Evan. It was pretty cool to be able to see what's going on in there!! It was hard to get lots of really good pictures because he had both legs wrapped up in front of his face, in what looked like a very uncomfortable position! It may explain though why Jenn is measuring small because he is all curled up and squished!

Seeing our little man was well worth the effort to get the ultrasound done. Thanks to Jenn and her family for sharing this special event with us.

Nursery update

I finally received the wall art for Evan's nursery and put it up yesterday. I am really happy with the results!

Thoughts on vbac vs. repeat C-section

Kirsten and I had an ob appointment this morning, and as promised the doctor was able to give us some research-based facts about vaginal birth after cesarean (vbac). While Kirsten likes to point out that any birth carries risk to both the carrier and the baby, I think being in a situation like gestational surrogacy where you have the life of someone else's child in your hands, it makes these decisions (whether or not to vbac or do a repeat C-section) so much more weighty.

I know that if this were my own pregnancy, I would choose a vbac for myself. But in this situation, I have more than my own family to think about; I have Kirsten and her family involved as well. Yes, I had a horrible first C-section experience (I'm sure not as horrible as some!), and I am not certain that I am done having kids of my own, so if I choose a C-section this time, it pretty much means I will always have a C-section in the hereafter. But a C-section would be worth it if it was the right thing for both Evan and I.

The problem with that logic is that no one can predict what the best thing for both Evan and I will be. The ob we are seeing now admits that there are risks to trying for a vbac, but he feels that it isn't "dangerous" and that the risks aren't significant enough for him to recommend a C-section.

The fact remains that there are risks. Today he gave me some paperwork on the risks of a vbac in women who have less than 24 months between deliveries (I have 20 months between). Some of the points that stuck out to me are as follows:

1) For women whose labors begin spontaneously, uterine rupture (the main concern with vbac) is reported to be less than 1% and the risks are similar to or less than the risk of any other unpredictable complication of labor and delivery (cord prolapse was 1.9 people out of 1000, fetal distress was 39 people out of 1000, placental abruption was 5.5 people out of 1000, and uterine rupture was from 0.9 to 8.0 people out of 1000).

2) With access to a rapid cesarean (18 minutes or less), babies and mothers usually do very well. If the cesarean is rapid, fetal death from uterine rupture is extremely rare.

3) Many facilities have recently determined that they don't have the capability to respond fast enough in the case of uterine rupture and are denying women the chance to vbac. Caregivers who support vbacs say that the focus should be on improving access to quality of care for women who want a vbac, not on discouraging them because of negative outcomes publicized in high profile malpractice law suits.

Kirsten and Chris appear to be on board with me trying a vbac, but I certainly have some things to think about before the big day.

In other news, my stomach is measuring a little behind so the doctor is sending me for an ultrasound to measure the baby. He thinks I am only measuring behind because the baby is lying sideways right now though, so he didn't seem too concerned. I'll go next Saturday for the u/s.

29 weeks!

Today Jenn is just 1 week away from 30 weeks. It's so exciting, we are in the home stretch and it won't be long before we get to finally meet baby Evan. We have a follow up appointment with the doctor who was doing some research on the amount of healing time sensible between a C-section and normal birth, let's hope he has the information we want to hear.

It's been four weeks since the last belly pic, I think it's time for an update Jenn!

Bye bye crib bumper

It's official the crib bumper is coming out before baby Evan enters his crib. I was pretty sure I had already made that decision after Natasha directed me towards the possible dangers of crib bumpers, but after seeing a picture today of a friends baby who managed to detach the crib bumper and sleep on the other side of it next to the bars I am one thousand percent sure it's coming out. We didn't use bumpers with the twins as they were already too old when we bought them home, so I had no clue they were a problem. I wish stores would stop selling them as such a *normal* crib product, I think it's really time they pulled them from the shelves, it's just not worth the risk.

I will be keeping the bumper, just to look pretty, until baby Evan starts sleeping in the crib and then it's going in the trash. I'm not even going to pass it onto charity so that way I can't give someone else the chance of making the mistake I almost made.

There is so much to learn and even being the parent of three year old twins can't teach me all I need to know about the baby stage. I am so lucky to have friends to give me the help I need!

It was so cool!

Last night I spent the evening at Jenn's house. It's the first time we've been together and had some calm quiet time on our own without any little people around or other noise. Jenn was relaxed and I felt baby Evan move for the first time, it was so cool (and a little strange!!) I have no idea if I was feeling kicking or punching, or something else, but whatever he was doing in there I appreciated the movement.

Thanks for indulging me Jenn, you and baby Evan have left me smiling!

So I took my 3 hour glucose test today...

and, it appears that I passed! I'm sure we will hear more from the doctor concerning the results, but I checked my numbers online and it appears for each threshold (the threshold is different for each hour that passes by), I am under the limit, so I think I passed. :) What a relief!

For those curious about what the 3 hour test is like, it goes like this: You fast for 12 hours prior and then go to the lab for a blood draw. That is your fasting draw. They make you drink 100g of glucose "soda" and then on the hour for the next three hours you have a new blood draw. You may not eat until all four blood draws are completed. Yes, my arms look like I am a druggie, lol, but I passed, and that is all that matters!

Less than 10 weeks!!

Baby Evan is 28 weeks today, it's less than 10 weeks until Jenn is considered "full term". It's both exciting and overwhelming at the same time!

I feel queasy already

In order to attempt adoptive breastfeeding you need to supplement with herbs to ensure a good supply. Today I received my gigantic herb order and I am feeling queasy already! I have to take three of each three times a day, and yes each capsule is indeed as huge as it looks in this picture (think horse pill).

Just looking at them throws me back to the days of acupuncture during IVF cycles when my doctor directed me to take a bazillion foul smelling herbs each day then too.

I haven't dared open the top yet for fear of what smell will offend my nostrils.

I REALLY REALLY hope adoptive breastfeeding works and Evan thinks this was all worth the effort. Somehow infertility never really goes away, does it?

Evan's hangout

Evan's nursery is pretty much done at least in the room, the drawers and closets are a different story but I'll get to those later.

Here are some pictures of our little man's room;

Can't change our minds on his name now!!

I have one more thing left to do, I think I am going to change the art squares above the changing table to some wall word art which says;

"Every good and perfect gift is from above" James 1:17

I Failed!

I went in for the 1 hour glucose test last weekend, and my test results show that I failed it. The norm is under 130, and mine was 139. SO, I am supposed to go back and do a three hour fasting test this weekend. I hope I pass, gestational diabetes would not be the best thing for the baby, myself, or my hopes for a vbac!

The best we could hope for!

I think our second opinion appointment went really well. The doctor said a vbac was a risk, but not much more risk that a C-section, so that's pretty encouraging. He didn't seem phased at all by the idea of a vbac and as a doctor with a good 25 years of experience in births I'm pretty happy to trust his judgement. We have transferred our next appointment to him and he is going to look up the timing between a C-section birth and a vbac with regards to the integrity of the C-section scar and let us know his thoughts at the next appointment.

I liked this doctor, he was laid back, but friendly, informative and caring. I am confident that without foreseeing any other issues before the birth of baby Evan, Jenn is going to do really well to try for a natural delivery.

Upcoming Appt.

As Kirsten pointed out in her last entry, we have our second opinion appointment tomorrow, at which time I am hoping the doctor will say that I would make a good candidate for a vbac. I wanted to address what Kirsten said about how if they had known I would have to face a C-section they would have waited longer or not done it at all.

I don't agree with that at all! I went into this surrogacy knowing that a C-section is a good possibility. And in fact, I went into my first surrogacy knowing that since we were transferring two embryos a C-section was likely if twins were to result. On top of that, I knew that if I wanted more kids after I had the C-section, I would face the possibility of a C-section then too. So, the fact that I am facing that possibility now, is really of no consequence. It's always a possibility no matter the situation.

The reason why it shocked me a little when our ob said she would recommend one for me was because 1) my old ob said I was a great candidate for a vbac, as long as I waited 18 months (this pregnancy would land me at 20/21 months), and 2) it was a singleton, and the possibility of a C-section seems to me to be lower with one baby, rather than two.

I won't lie; my C-section experience was horrible in more ways than one. BUT, in the process, I brought two little kiddos into the world and helped my friends start a family. That makes it worth it. And the same goes for this surrogacy; a C-section is worth it to bring Evan into the world and see the joy he will bring to Kirsten and her family. Assuming a C-section is the safest thing to do, then it's worth it to me. So to say that we never should have transferred or should have waited longer, makes no sense to me. The timing was right for all concerned, at least that's what I think! :)

Just around the corner

The third trimester official starts in two days, it's hard to believe we've come this far. Jenn is looking very pregnant and I believe this is the time that getting bigger and being pregnant starts to become a little (if not a lot!) uncomfortable. I hope that things continue to go smoothly and Jenn stays feeling good. I'm sure there are difficult times that she doesn't tell me about but for the most part I think baby Evan is being pretty good to her.

We have an appointment in two days where we will have the opportunity to discuss the option of a natural birth after a previous C-section. I know that Jenn is not too hopeful that the doctor will be positive about going for a natural birth, but I hope that we will find that we have someone in our corner. As the birth gets closer, I know that Jenn will become more nervous as a scheduled C-section approaches and that's not what any of us want. I think knowing now what Jenn went through with the birth of the twins she carried, and finding out that the time frame between these two births leads most doctors to request another c section, we would have either waited a little longer before transfer or not have gone ahead at all. I can't imagine going ahead with the real chance of creating such pain and distress for such a good friend. Anyways, let's just hope it doesn't come to that, fingers crossed!!

Jenn and I frequent a forum of surrogates and intended parents and in the group who transferred the same month as us (December 2009) the first of the surrogates gave birth this week. She was approximately 25 weeks along with boy / girl twins. It's a frightening thought, both for the surrogate and those twins AND the very real thought that it could happen to Jenn anytime too. Of course it's rare and much more high risk when it comes to twins, and there is no reason to believe that will happen with baby Evan, but it's still in the back of my mind. It leads me to ponder whether we are really ready for our little man, physically or emotionally, and if nothing else this recent birth has pushed me forward emotionally to be ready at any time! Fortunately physically we have a nursery set up already and anything else we don't have can't be that hard to come by.

In good news the surrogate and babies are all doing really well and fighting hard. They are on my mind constantly and give me even more reason to count our blessings at how lucky we are for the future that Jenn is holding in her hands.

Acceptance and Organization

Since I have totally accepted this is really happening and we will be bringing a real baby home this summer I thought it's about time to get organized and started buying the essentials baby Evan is going to need. We had already decided on the bedding set, and this week I went out and picked up baby Evan's infant car seat. The pattern is super cute and says "all star" on it! I love the colours and can't wait to see baby Evan trying it out for size. We have a gap in our collection of baby items from the twins to fill from newborn to 12 months since that's when we bought them home.

I have lots more purchasing to do, but I'm trying to plan to save as much money as possible on my purchases and buy a little at a time. It's also hard trying to purchase big baby items when you have two little three year olds in tow! Hopefully for little Evan I'll be all done by the time he arrives!!

This playard is next on my hit list, it has a little bassinet attached;

Second Wind

This pregnancy has been SO easy anyway, but I'm definitely feeling the second trimester second wind right about now. I have so much more energy and motivation. :) Baby Evan is doing well, kicking a lot, and last week I discovered that you can sometimes feel his kicks from the outside. K and C haven't had a chance to feel his kicks yet, but hopefully soon. Baby kicks are such a weird thing! I know I'm due for a belly pic, I'll get to it some time this week!

A New Life

When Sarah and Jacob joined our family in 2008 a good friend of ours gave us a gift we treasure every day. It's a set of two figurines from the Willow Tree collection called "Two Together". It's a gift I love and I couldn't wait until we could add to the collection.



We are so happy to be able to add the following entitled "A New Life". It's going to go so perfectly with our twins!



I'm not usually a collector of nicknacks, but in this case I can totally make an exception!

Uneventful

Yesterdays appointment was totally uneventful, which is how we like it. Jenn is measuring 23 weeks, which is right on track. Her rounded tum is really obvious now and it makes me smile and lifts my heart every time I see it. I don't feel at all strange or envious that Jenn is carrying baby Evan around for us, it just seems like the normal way things are done and I am excited things are working out so well.

Jenn told me yesterday she has become addicted to eating chili so maybe baby Evan is going to be a fan of spices, we will have to wait and see!

We were given the baby package at the doctors which includes lots of information for baby classes, CPR and how to look after a newborn. I have a good deal of reading to do and some classes to sign up for. There is even a Daddy boot camp!!

Our next appointment is with a different doctor, when we can get a second opinion on C section v natural labour after a previous C section, let's hope we get to hear the opinion we want!!

It's getting closer

Time is ticking along. Jenn is getting bigger, summer is getting nearer and we are closer to meeting our little boy than we ever thought would happen. Things are pretty quiet on the baby front, thankfully. Jenn seems to be happy and healthy, I don't *think* baby boy is giving her too much trouble, although I think she could do with less kicking and more sleeping! I, for one, am still in shock that we are welcoming a new addition into our family soon, but I can't wait to bring him home and already feel he is part of our family even though we haven't met him yet.

I admit I am also starting to get a little freaked out at how I will cope. Usually I don't worry much about these things, best to just let them happen and deal with the logistics as needed. However, S and J are proving to be very difficult right now, my nerves are frayed, my patience levels are almost at zero and adding one more to the mix is starting to make me think I am headed straight for the crazy house.

I realized yesterday, of course I am eternally grateful to Jenn for giving us the opportunity of expanding our family in a way we could never have done, but I am also grateful on a more daily basis that SHE is doing all the hard work and carrying our son for me!! I feel like a team, she is doing all the hard work now (I am in awe that she looks after two little people AND is slowly expanding her waistline for us and all that goes with it!), and I will take over and do the hard work as she recovers from this journey. I have tried to imagine taking care of S and J on a daily basis and dealing with pregnancy and I just can't get my head around it. Thank you Jenn!

We have an appointment tomorrow so hopefully we will get to hear a little heartbeat and find all is well with Jenn and our baby boy.

We are 99% sure that we won't be changing our minds on our sons name, so from now on baby boy will be replaced with "Evan".

I love his name!!

20 Weeks!!

Whoooo hoooo!!!

Can't get much more exciting than that, can you?!?!?

(well other than a positive pregnancy test, seeing a heartbeat, an ultrasound seeing an actual baby.......etc etc etc)

but you get my drift!!

Russia suspends all adoptions to US families

This is a cross post from my personal family blog. It doesn't follow with the theme of this blog, but I feel so strongly about this today that I had to post on both blogs;

I read this sad news on yahoo today, I hoped it wouldn't come to this;

Russia has suspended all adoptions to U.S. families until the two countries can agree on procedures, the Foreign Ministry said Thursday — a week after an American woman sent her 7-year-old adopted son back to Russia on a plane by himself.

The boy's return — without supervision or explanation aside from a note he carried from his adoptive mother saying he had psychological problems — incensed Russian authorities and the public, and prompted aggressive media coverage of foreign adoptions.

A U.S. delegation will visit Moscow "in the next few days" to discuss a possible bilateral adoption agreement, ministry spokesman Andrei Nesterenko said.

"Russia believes that only such an agreement which will contain effective tools for Russian and U.S. officials to monitor the living conditions of adopted Russian children will ensure that recent tragedies in the United States will not be repeated," Nesterenko said in a televised briefing.

The Tennessee woman who sent back her adopted Russian son last Thursday claimed she had been misled by his Russian orphanage about his condition.

Russians were outraged that no charges were filed against her in the United States.

"How can we prosecute a person who abused the rights of a Russian child abroad?" Russia's children's rights ombudsman, Pavel Astakhov, said in a televised interview Wednesday. "If there was an adoption treaty in place, we would have legal means to protect Russian children abroad.

Some 3,000 U.S. applications for adopting Russian children are now pending, according to the Joint Council on International Children's Services, which represents many U.S. agencies engaged in international adoption.

I am deeply saddened today. Sad for the child who was rejected by his American mother, sad for the American mother that thought her actions could ever be ok, sad for the collapse of the amazing process that is Russian / US adoption, sad for all those hopeful adoptive parents who are waiting for their miracle and especially sad for those adoptive parents who have already met their miracle and are waiting for them to come home, which at this point may never happen.

I don't think I have ever been more thankful than I am today that we have Sarah and Jacob in our family and I will be thanking God every moment for our blessings.

My heart goes out to those that are in pain today I can only imagine a small amount of what they are feeling and today my day starts with my tears shed for those people I don't know and for my own relief that Sarah and Jacob will always be in our family.

Everything looks great!

We had our appointment yesterday following up on our big ultrasound. Everything went really well, there were no problems to worry about. We were asked if we wanted to carry out the next round of genetic testing, but we declined again. Jenn is measuring 18 weeks, so that's right on track and the baby's heartbeat was around 160.

We are so excited to be over this huge milestone and can now really enjoy this journey to the max and look forward to meeting our new little man!!

Sorry, I've Been MIA!

Well, I guess I've been missing in action on the blog here for a while as Kirsten pointed out! It's funny, this pregnancy has been SO easy, it's almost life as usual around here, which is probably why I haven't had much to post about. K and C are probably hoping this baby boy will be just as easy on the outside as he has been in utero! :)

Here's a random smattering of thoughts for you:

I am feeling great, really, no problems at all. I'm just going about my life, being a stay at home mom, homeschooling my kiddos, and trying to keep up with the housework.

I am starting to show a lot more now, which is nice because before I kind of felt like I was in the "is she pregnant or just chubby stage"...ha ha. ;) Now there is no mistaking that it's a baby in there, and not just some extra weight!

Speaking of weight, I am not weighing myself. I'm not going to worry about how much I am gaining/not gaining at this point. Given that I didn't throw up at all in the first tri, I know I'm not losing anything. :)

I am feeling kicks pretty much every day or every other day now. It's not frequent, but they are definitely baby kicks.

Many people wonder how my kids feel about it all. Truthfully, they are fine with it, it's par for the course now, after having done one prior surrogacy. They often will pat my belly and say hello to the boy as they go about their days. They know this baby won't be coming home with us, and they are okay with it.

I have crazy dreams when I am pregnant. Last night I had a dream that someone was in the house, under my bed actually, and when I tried to get out of bed, they'd grab my hand and wouldn't let me. When I (in the dream) woke my husband and asked him to turn on the light, neither of our lights would turn on. I had a terrifying feeling that I needed to save my children before I woke up. When I woke up, I had to use the restroom, but the dream had scared me so much that I actually woke my husband up and had him turn on the light so I could use the restroom. I was afraid to go down the hall in the dark, lol.

And lastly, we have another ob appt. on Tuesday. I'm going to try to set up an appt. for a second opinion on the C section issue pretty soon here.

Jenn?

How are you feeling Jenn? How's this pregnancy going for you so far? We haven't heard from you in a while!!

I'll give you a clue.....

......take a look to the right of the booties above.

Yes, it's a little mini Chris!

The u/s tech didn't tell us much information, but it does appear everything looks good! We are very happy and relieved. Jenn and baby are doing great!

Today is the day!

Well, tonight actually. Our appointment is not until 8pm, apparently the hospital stays open pretty late so if you are looking for an update today don't spend the whole day checking in on the blog, there won't be any updates!!

Happy April Fools Day!!

Ahem Jenn!!!

Time for a new belly shot please!!!

Hmmmm....what to do ~ pink or blue?

April 1st is our "big" u/s appointment. It should give us the opportunity (if we want it) to find out if Jenn is carrying a boy or a girl. Thursday is only 5 days away and I am still on the fence. I always said if this worked I didn't want to know the outcome, I just wanted the "surprise"!! I did have Chris on my side, for all of about 5 minutes! I haven't really changed my mind, although I do see the advantages of finding out who we will be adding to our family.

I have pretty much been outvoted, both Jenn and Chris want to know and apart from my Mum I've yet to find anyone to agree that I'm not crazy to prefer to wait!!

Although it's not really in my nature, I'm sure I'll probably just give in and in 5 days we'll know if baby Ariel is a "he" or a "she". I honestly don't mind, boy or girl, either is a miracle and an amazing gift!

Time to start the medication (again!)

I received all my medication this week to start the process for adoptive breastfeeding. It occurred to me that the medication never stops! I can't deny I was relieved when the last cycle was with an egg donor and Jenn as the carrier, which of course meant no medication for me, the first medication break in more years than I care to remember. However, at least this time, although it may not work, the medication has way more positive vibes surrounding it for me and there are no shots!!!

I am going to start the medication this Friday....... fingers crossed!

Adoptive Breastfeeding

A friend asked me in the early days of our surrogacy journey if I planned on breastfeeding our baby? I admit it had never crossed my mind. Firstly I never actually believed a baby would be the result of the journey and secondly I never knew it was possible to breastfeed without the pregnancy that went with it!

I put the idea on the back burner for a while and pushed it out of my mind, that was until we found out Jenn was pregnant and it was one little bean. I started thinking about adoptive breastfeeding again and did some online research. I found it hard to find much information and even consulted my family doctor who told me she knew nothing about it and couldn't help me.

This weekend an online friend gave me a link to this amazing website which provides everything you could possibly need to know about adoptive breastfeeding and the protocols for inducing lactation and maximizing milk production. The best protocol to follow requires starting the process five to six months before the baby is due so I just have enough time to get on it!!

It's not an exact science and it might not work, but fingers crossed for a good outcome, I'm excited to at least try!

Here is the website;

http://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/abindex.shtml

15 weeks today!!

It's so crazy to think we are 15 weeks. It's still so hard to believe! I have a couple of friends who have delivered extra early recently, and being the planner that I am I'm thinking we might need to start getting some things organized!

We moved the cribs this weekend into the room we are going to use as the nursery, so we already have a room set up for the new baby. It looks funny to see only one crib, but it's also nice to see a room especially for our new addition.

It feels so different this time. Having a nursery set up and knowing we will be bringing a baby home is such a refreshing feeling! I don't have to walk past it every time and try to ignore it, this time I can look in and dream of our future.

I am really starting to get excited!

The appointment went so well!

Today's appointment was great. I met the ob/gyn who was lovely and very enthusiastic. Everything is looking great, Jenn is 14w tomorrow and the doctor located the heartbeat which measured 151 beats per minute. We saw the baby on the ultrasound monitor, she was very still, maybe taking a little nap!

Everything with Jenn is good, she is healthy and not too tired so we are hoping everything stays that way. Our next visit is our big ultrasound at approximately 18 to 20 weeks.

First O/B appointment

Today is our first O/B appointment. Well actually, it's not Jenn's first appointment but it is mine. I'm nervous about it. I have been to many medical appointments of course, but all at our fertility clinic, where sadly I do feel at home. At that clinic they understand me, I don't need to explain myself or my situation, it's so normal to them, we've been going there for so long and they know me so well, I don't even have to say anything, they can tell how I feel from the look on my face!

The new O/B is going to be a different story. We have an unusual situation and I'm so tired at this point of being different and having to explain myself!

I have no idea what happens at these type of appointments and I feel like a fraud going to a pregnancy related appointment without being pregnant!! On the positive side I'm hoping Jenn gets an ultrasound today, I can't wait to see our baby, it's been so long since I've seen the little one and I've missed her!!

More later.

Last Clinic Appt

We had our last clinic appt. Tuesday and all went well. The baby was measuring right on at 12 weeks 4 days. I received a packet of all my records to pass on to my ob. Next appt. is March 4th. :)

I passed the 12 week mark with only a few instances of morning sickness and no nausea. However, the last few days I've been throwing up every morning. This baby is certainly keeping me on my toes!

I think I've felt a few kicks already. Usually a couple times a day I'll feel something or other that I think are kicks or rolls. I know the doctors say it's early, but I felt the twins at 11 weeks and my second child at 14 weeks, so it is certainly possible. Can't wait until K and C can feel the kicks from the outside!

12 weeks tomorrow

I can't believe it, I really can't,  12 weeks is such a huge milestone.  I am counting our blessings daily, we are so lucky to be at this point it's somewhere I never thought we would be.  I am even starting to allow myself to imagine exactly what it will be like to have another little Sarah or Jacob in the house, and honestly, I can't wait!!!

Thank you to Jenn, E Donor, Dr W and Chris for making my dreams come true.  I love you all in an extra special way.  Our family is so blessed beyond words.

11 weeks!

We had another appointment at the clinic this morning, and Chris was able to come along with me this time. The baby is getting big--measuring 11 weeks 6 days, and I am 11 weeks 4 days, so that is pretty good.

I get to stop injections on Friday, so I am really excited about that. :)

We will have one more appt. at the clinic next Tuesday.

Appointment Today

We had another appointment at the clinic this morning, and I took Raymond, my husband with me. He's heard all my stories about our crazy fertility doctor (how he plays classic rock music in the patient rooms, how he has 12 inch dolls of himself in different outfits and holding an infant in the hutch in the lobby, and how he likes to say, "What's crackin'?...not to mention the Einstein-ish hair style :) ). So he was curious to finally meet Dr. W. He is not nearly as crazy as he sounds, but he certainly leaves an impression on people. :)

The appointment went really well. I am 10 weeks and 4 days, and the baby was measuring 10 weeks and 4 days--perfect. We could see him moving around in there! Once he even turned his head to the side right by his hand and then turned it back. We saw little legs and arms, and Dr. W. pointed out facial bones to us (I couldnt' really tell). Again, the scanner issue...my sister in law has offered to let me use hers, but I haven't gotten to it yet. Hopefully before K and C get back, lol!

We will have two more appointments at the clinic, and then most likely only two more u/s after that through my ob. One at 14 weeks (maybe) and the next between 18 and 20.

K mentioned that I am due for another belly pic, so I will try to remember to do one tonight.

Today's Appt.

So today's appointment went alright. Everything is fine with the little one. We had an ultrasound and "he" was moving all around and we saw the heartbeat. The doctor was not able to get a measurement, but everything looked normal. I have pictures for Kirsten, but I don't have a scanner, so I am not sure when I can get them on the blog!

The doctor I saw was really nice. She has a wonderful bedside manner, very friendly, and she seemed fine with the surrogacy aspect and with K and C coming to appointments and what not.

She is also good friends with my old ob, and I found out that the reason my old ob is not available and anymore is because she is doing all hospital work now, and no clinic work. So we may actually see her on delivery day! She was the one who did my first cesarean, so if I have to go that route, it'd be great to have her again. I'm happy for her; I remember her saying that she loved the hospital side of things, and now she gets to do that full time!

The only downer was when I asked her about whether I could have a vaginal birth since the last pregnancy was a cesarean. She says that she would not recommend it because it hasn't been quite two years in between deliveries. She said that, yes, I could try it, but she would not recommend that route. I asked her if this was her personal feelings, or something that all the doctors in her practice sort of went by. She said it was her personal feeling. I asked her if I could get a second opinion, and of course she said that was fine, but this was really disappointing news for me. I actually had tears stinging my eyes when she said that, because I hated the c-section so much. I've contacted another doctor in the practice to see what his take was on things, so I will see what he says. I just have this feeling that I'll have to have another c-section, which basically means if I ever get pregnant again (not that I plan to) it will be a cesarean birth because they would not agree to a vaginal birth after two cesareans no matter how much time passes between deliveries. This news was very sobering for me.

The ob appointments are so much more lengthy than the ones with the fertility doctor. The ob office is just not that efficient, I guess. My appointment was at 9:30 am, and I didn't drive off the lot until almost 11. All in all, it was a successful appointment. :)

Not Sure If This Interests Anyone...

I really don't know if this is of interest to anyone, but who knows? Maybe the little one will want to know this kind of thing some day, so I may as well record it. Here's my list in no particular order:

1) 10 weeks tomorrow (Yay!).

2) No morning sickness yet. I read that if you don't get it by 10 weeks, you probably will not get it. It's my first time without it and it is SO weird! I keep thinking this must be one calm baby to let me slide by with such ease.

3) First ob appt--Friday (tomorrow). I'm excited to feel this new doctor out and see if she will handle the surrogacy aspect well. Will she be comfortable with the situation? Will she be kind and include K and C on appts and u/s? If not, I'll find someone else. My last ob was great about including the intended parents; unfortunately she is not on the list of available doctors this time around. I'm also excited to ask her if I am eligible for a regular birth or if I am going to have to have a repeat C-section.

4) Cravings--mainly breakfast food. Cereal with milk, blueberry muffins, waffles, cream cheese on whole grain toast are the big ones. There are lots of other breakfast foods I'd love to eat daily as well! ;) Usually I crave sweets and junk. Thankfully this baby craves lots of pretty healthy stuff!

9w4d

Today's ultrasound picture is not very clear, however being at the actual ultrasound was amazing! We saw the baby and the heartbeat immediately and she was moving around so much!! There are little arms and legs and they were moving around like crazy!! I was so relieved to see the heartbeat again, it was a gorgeous sight!

Still only mild nausea for Jenn, no major morning sickness, so everything is going great!

Surrogacy Video

Kirsten recently asked me to share this video I made after my first surrogacy journey. During the journey I was asked a lot of questions about my motivations, and my thoughts and feelings about being a surrogate mom. This video was kind of a response to that, but it was also a way to share about the joy my IP's felt when they finally met their twins. FYI, there is sound, so take advantage of that if you like. Most of the pics are of the parents (posted with their permission, of course!) with their little ones. I'm the one with the glasses in a few of the pics. Enjoy!

8w4d

Another good ultrasound today. Jenn is 8w4d today and actually measured right on target today at 8w4d which is excellent! Baby Ariel as the baby has become known is 19.6mm up from 11.6mm last week.

For the first time baby Ariel is actually starting to take a baby shape, she (I am going to use she, I don't like it) she has arms and legs and everything! The heartbeat came up straight away and we all gave a big sigh of relief!

Jenn is craving foods right now, but still no morning sickness, so we hope for her sake that's the way it stays!

One week until the next ultrasound.

Enjoying the moment

I won't pretend this journey isn't a difficult one, we know too much and we've seen so much sadness and pain. However twice in the last week I've been shown it's important to stop expecting the sad and instead learn to enjoy the moment.

The first was last week on the way home from the ultrasound, when Jenn commented that although she does understand how hard this can be and nothing is certain, that she prefers (and our baby deserves) for us to enjoy the time this little life is with us regardless of how long that may turn out to be.

The second was today when I went to Church with Patti (my MIL) and this verse was included in the message;

"If we already have something , we don't need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don't yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently" ~ Romans 8

As it happens this verse is actually talking about looking to the future and waiting for eternal life, but as Patti told me on the way home, as soon as it was read out she immediately thought of us worrying about the outcome of this pregnancy and how we really do have to trust God and turn our worry over to him, our job is to wait patiently and confidently.

I am so lucky to have such strong compassionate people in my life who help to steer me back towards the right path when I get a little lost.

(thank you)

Jenn has popped!

In case you didn't read that right, it is POPPED, not pooped!

I saw Jenn today and was excited when she showed me she has already popped!! She has a cute little bump hiding under her jumper. I've read that the tummy often pops early after a first baby, but who knew it would be this early? It's so cool to see outward evidence of what's going on inside!

Time to start the belly shots I think Jenn, no pressure or anything!

7w4d

Our ultrasound this morning was perfect, right on track. Last week our bean measured 6w2d and exactly one week later measures 7w2d, so a perfect weeks growth. We are actually at 7w4d but a couple of days either way is fine at this point.

Our bean is not so little anymore, last week bean was 5.1mm and today was 11.6mm more than double!! Nice bean growing Jenn!!

At the moment you can only see a big blog and the yolk sac. I am lead to believe (by Jenn!) that the bean could be laying head down to the left and feet upwards (ish). I am clearly not good at this guessing game because I had it completely the other way round.

I think it's possible by next week bean will look more baby like and less white blob!