Nothing to report

Today's ultrasound was uneventful. Dr W said I was responding well and asked if I could feel things going on, so it turns out I'm not crazy to be feeling it! I purposefully didn't count how many eggs he was measuring so I don't have to agonize over whether there are too few, but at a guess I'd say he counted approximately 5 on each side. They were all about 11mm, which is a good sign since they are all growing at an even rate and should all be cooked at the same kind of time.

I had bloodwork done and hitting a vein was an issue. I had the worse pain I've ever had from a blood draw, but it's all over now, I think we'll try the other arm next time!

I have to stay on the 450 units of follistim for now, and I am let off any appointments this weekend...yeah!!

For now, all is well.

A baby story

I watched "A baby story" today while I was doing my daily exercise on the treadmill. I have no idea what possessed me to watch such a program, it's always been a *don't go there* show for me. I was unusually overcome with emotion and nearly broke down crying. When the baby was born, I started thinking to myself "could that be real for Chris and I one day?". I've never been to that place in my head before, it was just too painful to dream about. I'm not sure how I feel about it now. If I'm honest I think I'm just getting ahead of myself.

I would never have said this before, but it never hurts to dream, right?

All in my head?

Today is only day 5 of stims (the shot hasn't happened yet today) and I'm already starting to feel annoying aching *twinges* on each side. Could this be growing follicles, or is it really all in my head?

I hate to think how I'll feel by next Friday if it's for real. I seem to remember last time I felt like begging Dr W to "just get them out of me now!"

Good times.

Best not to ponder it

My ultrasound today showed 5 eggs on one side and 6 on the other. Dr W seemed pleased and said I was responding well. He is keeping me on 450 units of follistim and I go back on Friday for another check. The biggest egg was 9mm. My thoughts were that I don't seem to be gaining any more eggs just faster growing ones, however I will bow to Dr W's better judgement on this one and try to stop thinking about it.

For a girl who usually gets over 20 eggs, 11 does seem like a lack of effort on my part.

PGD may well be off the cards. I didn't even want to bring up the subject with Dr W, it's still early, and who wants to hear bad news anyway?

I'm getting old, my eggs have to start taking a downhill slide sometime! Now I know the answer to the difficult question "when is it time to stop doing IVF?" When your body is just too old to cooperate anymore!

Stay tuned for Friday's exciting update, will any eggs come out of hiding, shouting "surprise, surprise!?!"

Grow eggs grow!

First shot of follistim last night. 450 units, the most I've ever taken in one shot (well it took two shots actually!)

I hope my eggs are listening. 450 units of follistim = approx $380 (for one shot!). We are spending a small fortune on you right now it would be very polite of you to start growing nicely. Thank you!

Time to take a breath and calm down

Three posts in one day? Things are really hotting up!

So, I've had a little *talk* from both Jenn and Chris and been bought back to my senses. It's just too early to call it. I will turn my *freak out* meter down to "not enough information yet" and forget all I heard today. I can't change it.

On the plus side, I *heart* Dr W. He is going in aggressive with all guns blazing. He knows how much this cycle means to us and how much we have invested in it.

Cycle #7 + PGD + Jenn = VERY IMPORTANT!!!!

Go eggs!

(I will talk to my eggs. It works for plants, right?!)

Did I speak too soon?

I just received a call from the clinic to tell me that my antral follicle count today was low and so instead of reducing the amount of follistim from the average amount (300 units) to the expected 225 units due to previous overstimming, it is going to be increased to 450 units for the first three days and the clinic plans to monitor me more closely.

I won't lie, I'm a little freaked out. The one thing I've always been able to do well is produce a huge number of eggs, and it seems that it's possible that I can't even do that now.

We NEED a large number to do PGD (genetic testing). If we don't get enough I don't know what the plan will be? Transfer to Jenn on day three and forget the PGD altogether, or freeze whatever we do get on day one and start the whole process all over again to get more embryos?

I'm feeling pretty worthless right now.

Friday just went south.

Another hurdled crossed

I had a pre cycle check today and everything was fine so I will be starting follistim on Sunday.

It's on!

(estimated egg retrieval is two weeks from today...wow!)

Time to get out the big guns

Jenn had a supression check up appointment today and everything was perfect, so she starts the intramuscular injections tonight to get her body ready for transfer. This does feel like the real beginning of the cycle...hopefully nothing will stop us now. I have a check up tomorrow, so fingers crossed.

Good luck tonight Jenn, I hope it's not too painful!

It's all good

I've been getting into bad habits at bedtime for a while now. By the time the kids have gone to bed and I've done all my chores it's pretty late, so I've been staying up very late to finally get some *me* time in the day.

However, that really doesn't work for me. I've always liked to be in bed by 10pm and asleep by 11pm. These days it's been much more like bed at 12am or later, I get up early in the morning, so I'm struggling in the day.

With the introduction of lupron I decided to turn over a new leaf. The shots have to be taken at approximately the same time every day, so I've scheduled them for 10pm. Now it's chores until 9pm, 9pm to 10pm wind down time and 10pm lupron shot in bed. Any chores not finished by 9pm have to wait until the next day.

It's only been a few nights but I do feel better already, now I just have to keep it up!

Phew!

Jenn's testing all came back ok so we are full steam ahead.

Jenn's big shots start this week, I'm sure she is totally looking forward to those. I, on the other hand, am happily jogging along with my little biddy tummy shots (sorry Jenn!)

We are only just over two weeks away from egg retrieval, at this point I know that it's all going to go really quickly and before we know it we'll be in the two week wait, and that, my friends, will NOT go quickly at all.

It's all a little weird

The lupron shots are going ok and not having any effect on me in a crazy way. This is a weird cycle. In the past we've always wanted to keep the fact we were cycling to ourselves since we were always pretty sure the outcome would be negative and who wants to keep giving bad news over and over? This time I'm torn. I want to shout from the rooftops "We're trying to make a baby!", but I know that if it doesn't work I will feel much worse at the end AFTER explaning to everyone about the surrogacy.

So, for now, this is just amongst us, and that's just those involved. We are all excited and that's what matters right now!

Watch out for the medication side effects people!

I had my first start of cycle appointment today and I start lupron tonight. Jenn started her lupron on Monday, so we are officially lupron buddies. I am told lupron can make some people crazy (hence the title of this post!) however, it's never done anything strange to me, so I will look to Jenn on this one for some crazy antics!

My antral follicle count today was 5 on the left and 8 on the right (or something similar to that), so that's a good start.

We are waiting on the results of some testing for Jenn and providing that goes ok we are full steam ahead on the business of making a baby!

Time for Chris to dust off his injection skills and get that needle loaded up......oh the fun times to be had during an IVF cycle, here we go again (for the last time?)

It's a go!

We finally have schedules. After all the testing, legal and psychological stuff, we are ready to start cycling!

Here is where we currently stand;

First meds (Jenn) ~ July 13

First meds (Me) ~ July 17

Possible egg retrieval ~ August 7

Possible egg transfer ~ August 12

Now all that's left is to hope that we both respond well to meds and the genetic testing on the embyros goes well. Not too much to ask? Pretty please?

The sad side of moving on

Whether it be surrogacy, domestic adoption or being content with the amazing children we are already I can't deny I feel a tinge of sadness to be shutting the door on further IVF transfers (to me).

At this point we are well aware that transferring embryos to me gives us a slim chance of pregnancy, but despite being very slim, it's still there, the *chance*.

It's not so much the actual pregnancy, I came to terms long ago that the chances of carrying a child were slight, and I'm fine with that, I know that being pregnant is not the important part of raising a family. However, I can't help but be sad that I am walking away from that chance to join "the club". It's a club that such a huge percentage of people are allowed to join. There is only one rule of the club ~ you have to be female ~ and I know I have that one down. You don't have to be clever, pretty, thin, educated, funny, or anything else, just female.

I know in the long run it doesn't matter, and I also know it won't come up in conversation very often. But it will matter, just occasionally, and I'll always know there was one thing I wasn't allowed to do, for whatever reason.

So I'm saying goodbye to the miracle of carrying a child, I'm sad but I'm incredibly lucky that someone believes in Chris and I so much as parents that she wants to carry a miracle for us and that beats joining any club, in my book.